What To Do?

Have you ever been faced with a dilemma that seems too hard to wrap your head around? I feel like that's me right now. I don't know what to do - stop doing something because my family thinks it's useless but is good for my wellbeing, or continue with it and risk destroying my relationships with family members? B thinks I shouldn't let them influence my decision - they were the ones who thought I should do this in the first place. Tricky.

I've never been told such horrible things about myself and whether the things are true or not, I can't help feeling comletely lost because they still said those things and they had to stem from somewhere. Do they really feel that way about me deep down and haven't told me before, or have I done something to offend them that badly? I don't really know what I would have had to do to someone, for them to tell me they wish I died.

While I'm still considering what to do about that first thing, I've decided on a few other things - it seems we have a lot of happy times together, but when it gets bad, it's really bad. How did that saying go? 'Sticks and stones can break my bones, but it's words that make me cry' ? Nothing physical could ever hurt me as badly as these words have, and it's purely because they came from those closest to me. I have a completely different idea of the person I am, and it's hard to know what is true and what is false.

What to do?

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

One Week

That's how long it's been since my last post. It's actually like 8 days ago, but who's really counting? I know that S is. Oh well, at least I'm finally doing it.

So what's happened in the last week.. We went out of town on a shopping spree - spent a little more money than we expected but not as much as we were prepared to spend. It was a really good day. J was happy and didn't cry at all, we had a really nice (healthy) dinner that consisted of kebab and chips and then we drove home. We were all really happy about the stuff we got, so all and all - successful road trip.

The diet.. hmm. That hasn't been going too well. I mean, we've stuck to it all the days but the ones we didn't stick to it. And lately, there's been quite a few of those days. I'm so disappointed in myself! I truly feel like I've gained back everything I've lost (not true) and that I now have to really push myself to do some exercise. I haven't been doing any and I was still on track, but I wasted a couple of weeks and I now have to play catch up. Shit fuck.

One Book A Month - Project. I decided to read all of the old favourites before getting back to the original one. I'm now reading the third book, so there are still two left. I thought - I'm making so much progress in such a short amount of time, and that I wont have much time to read in the summer, that I might as well get ahead of the schedule now. I doesn't matter if I read more than 12 books this year, I just don't want to read less. And these books don't count as rereading something because it was like 12 years ago, when I first read these.

J has stayed over for 2 nights now. S stayed as well, so it wasn't really just B, J and I. But that day will come. Maybe this weekend? She is supposed to spend the weekend with my mum (I think), so she could maybe spend one of those days at our house.. that's a thought. Anyway, everything went great and we now know J doesn't cry for mommy, no matter how long she spends with me, so it's safe to leave her in my capable hands. S made a good point - maybe coz we look so alike and sound alike, that I'm familiar to J and that's the reason she doesn't cry with me - I remind her of her mommy. Oh god how much I love that little girl! I missed her like crazy when she left.

Now it's work, work, work until the weekend. Then I'm officially on my winter holiday! I'm only working Monday and Tuesday and then it's relaxing and sippin' on something (possibly) containing alcohol. But for now - back to work!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Boredom.

I feel you kitty cat. That is exactly how I feel. I've had so little customers today - it's unbelievable! Where have all the people gone? I've done nothing but stare at the door, waiting for someone to come in and maybe ask for help - just to have something to do. I finished reading the book at around 3 o'clock so three hours in boredom..

I've already done everything that needs doing, including the cleaning so now it's a waiting game - counting minutes until 6pm. I still have to do the mopping but I'll do that closer to closing because as soon as I've finished mopping, someone will walk in here and mess the floor up. It would be fine if they actually wanted to buy something, but they just make sure they've made every clean surface dirty and then leave.

S asked me if I wanted her and J to come sleep over at our house on Wednesday - easier to leave town the next morning - and of course I said yes! I get to spend the whole night with J! Even though she'll be sleeping for most of the night, she'll still be there :) I'm so happy. It's J's first sleep over. S will be there so it's not really one of those sleep overs where B and I would have to get by on out own, so maybe it's better that S is there - to keep J alive. Just joking.

I thought; Hey, I'll spend the next 40minutes writing this blog post, and that'll give me something to do, but I'm nearly finished with this and it's only been a few minutes. I have nothing to write about..

I'm just gonna go mop the floor again. I'm saying again, because I already mopped it once, and as I predicted, someone came in as soon as it was washed, looked around while walking the floor dirty and then leaving the shop. Thank you! Off to mop we go!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Redhead Once Again?

I was so against dyeing my hair red because it's so much work to keep it that way, but I decided to try a reddish brown, just to see what it looks like and if I could live with that. The only problem is, that my hair has been dark brown for that long now, that I really don't know if the dye stuck or not. Obviously it stuck to the roots but having only them red and everything else brown, isn't really a desirable result. Tomorrow morning we'll see how it turned out.

I know I said I would only read one of these old favourites and then get back to my original choice but I couldn't help myself and I started reading another one. But I'm nearly finished with that one as well. They are so easy to read - they weren't made complicated or hard to read on purpose - and so it's like 50pages just fly by. I'll finish this one and then get back to the one I was already reading. At least I've caught up then. This book I'm about to finish, will be my third book of the year so the one I was reading before, can be stretched out as far as the end of April. Hopefully I'm done with it before then.

So I finally got my birthday present from B. It wasn't delayed because of anything he did - the Twilight Blueray Box just wasn't out until now. I spent all day Sunday watching it and for some unforeseeable circumstances, I wasn't left with enough time to watch Breaking Dawn Part 2. But I watched it today :) I'll have the chance for another Twilight Marathon soon enough - I hasn't seen all of them, only the first two. So I'll have to watch them all again with her. Like I mind. I fucking love Twilight and I ain't ashamed to admit it!

Now it's time to do some reading and then it's bedtime for me. Hope you're having an amazing start of a new week - I certainly am!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Never-Ending

That's all I got.

That is what this winter feels like. I remember thinking this same exact thing every year around this same time. It just feels like the spring is just around the corner, and every time you get close, it fucking snows. I remember sitting on the beach thinking about this exact moment - suffering in the cold for months is all worth the warmth of the summer sun and the blue water. Now that thought seems weak. But the sun stays out a little longer every day and that's a good sign - spring is coming.

I started writing this blog post like 3 times, but never had time to finish it at work, and I was going to do it when I got home, but then I picked up the book and completely forgot about everything until it was like 1 o'clock in the morning and I had to go to bed.

I decided I would take a break from the never-ending, difficult to get through book and read an old favourite from the past. When I was young (like 12 or 13) I used to read these Victoria Holt books. They are about women in the olden days who didn't do what they were supposed to do - like get married and not work a job. I read every single one they had at the library, and now I found some of them at a flee market. I got 5 of them. I started reading one of them 2 days ago and I'm nearly finished with it - so it was totally worth taking a break for, because now I'm able to catch up. I think I'd better only read this one, and then get back on that other book, otherwise I'll just give up on that and read all of these Holt books.

It's the last day of work for the week. The only 6 day working week this month is over today! Then it's three more working days until I have a day off - and so does B. We're going shopping. And we're taking S and J with us. It'll be a fun filled day out of this little town of ours. There isn't really anything we need or are thinking of buying, we just want to go and have a look. And it's not too far away but still it's leaving town so it's great :) It'll be good.

I can't wait for the end of the month. Winter holidays and I get to spend some time with the family, especially J! I miss that little rugrat so much and it's been way too long since I got to hold her and let her fall asleep in my arms. 

Snow Storm On A Quiet Day

That's all I've got.

This is not a picture of the snow storm that is happening outside. I don't want to go outside for a picture. I looked at some pretty pictures of snow storms and decided - fuck it, I'll just use this mountain picture instead. This post won't be lively or happy, I'm tired and bored. Not physically tired, it's just so damn slow in work - I am falling asleep.

I should have some lunch. But I can't be asked walking to the fridge. I'm also afraid I'll miss the nonexistent customers if I leave this desk. The most useful thing I've done today was empty the bins. I'm also trying to sort this huge mess for a customer but it's down to waiting for one more email before I can give them the bad news. This day sucks. I was actually hoping it was our fault - it would have made their life so much easier. Thankfully they want me to send them all the information via email and not the phone - I don't think I could handle any more of her crying. Hopefully it'll all work out for them.

I didn't read the 80 pages last night. I ended up reading about 20 pages and it felt like an hour had passed without me getting anywhere. It doesn't take long to read one page but it seems like it takes more than 5 minutes for this book. I can't believe how little I managed to read it yesterday. I should start getting up an hour earlier every day just to spend that hour reading. But I would have to get up an hour earlier.. That doesn't sound good at all.

We have to fill in a lot of paperwork today. B needs to renew his passport and it seems like the only way to do it, is filling in a bunch of paperwork, send it somewhere and 4 weeks later he should have a new passport. Hopefully it's that simple - I don't want to spend all that time filling in papers for nothing in return. It'll be fine. I'm just bored and thinking - I'd rather fill in that paperwork than sit here doing nothing. Where are you people? Hello customers! Come in and have a chat!

One Book A Month 2013

That is what this is. I thought I'd read a book a month for the whole of 2013 but so far I've read one. I haven't even reached the 600page halfway point on my second book. To be fair - I started the first book on like the last week of January, it had something like 700pages or 900pages and I chose an equally hard-to-read and long (1200pages) book for my second book. I could take a break from this one and read a couple of Finnish books in between to catch up.. That's a thought. Or I could suck it up and read this one now.

It's not that the language is hard to understand or anything like that (ok, maybe a little) because a big chunk of the book is about something that happened hundreds of years ago and is written the way they would have back then. But for the most part it's just the fact that I don't find a lot of it interesting. The book is good and the storyline is easy to follow, but there's a lot of explaining things to the tiniest detail (like in my January book) and those parts can get a bit boring. I think I just need to get through this one part (no more than a couple of hundred pages) and it should get easier.

On another note - we started the cats on the Pill. We just couldn't handle them being in heat all the time and had to give Miisu a rest. She is doing much better now! She comes to you and wants to be stroked and sleeps next to us and everything - just like before the heat that would never end. Emi is the same. So now instead of them fighting all the time, they actually play together and love each other. It's perfect :) Now we're a big happy family once again.

Now it's at least 80 pages before bed. Have to get this reading on track. I want to finish this book and the next one before the end of the month. Somehow I don't see that happening..

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Birthday Girl

So it was my birthday on Thursday. This picture is from my birthday party - which was on the Saturday before my actual Birthday. B had spent all day baking and making sure the house was clean, while I was in work. All my friends and family came and we stuffed our faces with whooppie pies, cupcakes and ice cream. All that candy, sauces and what-not are for everyone to make their own ice cream portions - and it was perfect. It worked out exactly how I imagined :)

I worked Monday and Tuesday but I was off Wednesday (my first day off if you don't count sundays) and I had an amazing day with S, I and J. We went to look at couches, went to the flee market, went for lunch to my favourite restaurant, went bowling and watched horror movies while eating candy. It was an all around perfect day!

Then it was time for Thursday - my real birthday.

I woke up fine and went to work. Nothing was wrong until like 3 in the afternoon, when I started feeling a bit off. But I thought it would be fine and I could deal with it when I got home. So I had lunch with B and a few hours later I went home. We watched some TV, while I started feeling worse. Then it hit me like a wall. I was in and out of the toilet for the rest of the night. I mean - the whole night! It was the most awful I've ever felt and I truly wished for death to come take me away from the pain.

Well I did get a few hours of sleep and then it was time for the doctor. Norovirus - that glorious epidemic sweeping the nation had finally hit our home. This is what I get for working in customer service and having to deal with so many people every day. I spent all day Friday trying to get as much liquids in me as possible, and keep it in, and I was a little better. I spent all day in bed feeling horrible. Saturday was a lot better. I spent nearly the whole day in bed or the couch with horrible muscle pain and headache, but it wasn't such a struggle to keep liquids in. Winning! Today I feel nearly 100%. Not quite there yet. Need to get some food in me, take a shower and drink some more water. But I think it's over. Thank fuck for that.

R.I.P Noro-Virus.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10